The Hands of Jaco

It is 21st September 1987 – in a hospital ward in Broward General Medical Centre a black male nurse exchanges a glance at the white-coated doctor with the glasses and combover. The doctor nods gravely, and the nurse proceeds to switch off electrical life-support, turn off and remove the oxygen tube from the bruised and battered face of the young man on the bed. The oscilloscope flatlines…

Morty – a crazy mortician, wild hair, pebble glasses, gap-toothed grin – enters Fort Lauderdale Mortuary at dead of night where the body of Jaco Pastorious has been brought following his death after a street fight. He pulls out the drawer where Pastorious body is stored awaiting autopsy, opens a canvas holdall containing his personal toolkit and proceeds to remove the hands of the legendary bassist…

It is twenty years later. Kid – a college dropout orphan is backing through the swing doors of Chick-E-Fry in Downtown Fort Lauderdale. He slips on a sliver of fried onion on the floor and falls backward, dropping the tray of dirty dishes into his own lap, but also sending a trolley of clean crockery on a collision course with crates of fresh ingredients, and chefs in mid-prep of fast meals, causing mayhem. The brown-suited owner and a team of angry chefs, waiters and servers stand over him. The boss, shaking with rage points a pudgy finger at him. “Your last chance, Kid… and you BLEW IT!”

Stumbling, dejected, through darkened streets Kid gazes up at brownstone apartments as lights are turning off for the night. He stares down at the wet sidewalk as a long-deferred decision resolves in his mind.

Kid falls backwards through the forced window of an apartment (Morty’s) and in the darkness fumbles his way into the kitchen. Hoping he has found the entrance to an Alladin’s Cave of valuables, he prises open a door to be confronted with rows of shelves with a range of stored produce, his palid face reflected in the glass of jars, whose dark contents are a mystery – it is Morty’s larder! Suddenly overcome with hunger he takes down a large jar of pickled beetroot, unclasps the lid and chomps a few mouthfuls before his gruesome discovery – a pair of “gloves” that Morty has skinned form the hands of Pastorious!

Appalled, he drops the jar, throws up.

The noise awakens Morty. He stumbles into the kitchen in filthy underwear and stained vest and flicks the light-switch. Kid is dazzled, so Morty gets the first move in, pinning Kid against a large upright Fridge. Kid manages to pull one knee up and thrusts Morty away, in doing so pulls open the door of the fridge and out tumbles Morty’s “collection”; limbs and body parts of a variety of celebrities, bagged and labelled – the feet of legendary tap dancer “Bojangles” Robinson, the spine of Jules Leotard, trapeze artiste, one of the legs of Betty Grable.. that Kid picks up to defend himself, takes a couple of swings at Morty.

It ends up a tug-o- war, Kid slips on the mess of plastic bags and falls back to the floor. Morty raises the leg over his head ready to smash it down on Kid. Kid grabs the nearest thing to hand – a bag containing the eyballs, frozen solid, of Pablo Picasso, and swings it wildly in the air. The bag bursts and one eyeball hits Morty smack in the middle of the forehead, where it sticks, staring back at Kid for a moment. Morty drops the frozen leg. Blinks once, then collapses to the floor (he is not dead – we need him in future episodes!)

Knowing the noise will have roused the neighbours Kid must make his escape, but sees he has left beetroot fingerprints on the fridge door. He desperately wipes them with his sleeve then goes leave. Just before grabbing the front door handle to escape, stops himself – he’s going to leave more fingerprints! In a split-second decision he picks up the gruesome “Hands of Jaco” and’ swallowing hard, slips them on…

A panel of corrugated iron is slid aside as Kid let’s himself into his dingey pad in a derelict building. Exhausted from running down endless streets, he flicks an electric isolator to turn on a bare orange light-bulb, slumps against a wall and slides down to the floor. Beside him propped against the wall is the cheap second-hand bass guitar that he has never mastered, still plugged into an amp. He holds his hands up in front of his face, suddenly remembers he is still wearing the gruesome, purple skinned, black-veined gloves, with their posthumously attenuated fingernails. He shudders in disgust and goes to pull them off – they don’t seem to want to shift! In his struggle he knocks the guitar with his elbow and it begins to slide away. He makes a grab at it as it falls. As the fingers of gloves touch the strings the most amazing riff fills the air… the “Hands of Jaco” have begun to work their magic!