Absolutely Greens

Robin Thomson, 18.03.2019 – when one could still contemplate an impromptu dining experience

Hello. Is that Greens?

Oh, I’m sorry, Absolutely Greens.

Ha ha. Yes. I’m phoning about your menu.

Yes, online.

Well I would but I live on the other side of town.

Well, yes, you are fairly central but we aren’t. So..

Yes, we do know where to find you.

Oh, I would like to book but first I need to know something about the menu.

Just to clarify, yes.

Well I suppose my problem is… unlike other restaurants

Well I think you’ll agree that most people would refer to Gree.. Absolutely Greens as a restaurant, if only to save time. Reality Vector hasn’t quite entered the lang.. well, our language. Of course yes, only time..

No, not yet. I still want to explore the concept. May I begin?

Item One; standing. I see… yes.. yes.. but most people would prefer to sit don’t you find?

So the option is an option?

Well, I was assuming á la carte.

I agree, preconceptions can lead to disappointment and confusion, so can uncertainty.

Granted, uncertainty is in itself a valid principle and in certain cases inevitable. But in many cases..

No, not essential.

Assuming we abide by your suggestion and submit to the Serendipity Sanction..

Yes of course. No, not at all.  Not since.. I can’t remember exactly when.. does it matter?

Mm hmm..   Mm hmm..

 Oh, I see. Well I feel confident in saying that our last consumption of animal body parts, animal products, produce tainted with economic interdependency with the trade in animal body parts, animal products, the exploitation of animals, the marginalisation of the wilderness and the petro-chemical hegemony would be so long ago as to render vestigial longings and residual toxins… negligible.

Yes, I am prepared to sign such a disclaimer.

The BAP-PLOD regime? No.

No, a preparatory enema will not be necessary. Well it’s reassuring to know that, and interesting that so many feel the benefit.. Can I please.. Would you mind if I..

Tell me about the bloody food!

I do apologise.

No, I do understand. Quite inappropriate I agree. I apologise.

No, if you must. I will hold…

Ah, you’re back. No, take your time. I do understand. I have suffered abuse at work myself. I do apologise. Now about the menu..

Yes, I know.

Ha ha. Yes, obvious! But which?

All of them? But surely…

I’m finding this hard.. you have all the greens? And nothing slightly.. even a tint of..

Yes I do appreciate.. lemon and lime. Of course, that’s.. that’s.. elementary.

No, not just an optical distinction. I do appreciate the many layers, the nuances.. yes, all that.

I’d just like to know – I had a bad experience, you see. I felt perhaps I was changed by it but..

Malachite.

I know.. I’m sure you wouldn’t. Vermillion, yes, of course! But Malachite, I ask you! You might as well say.. oh, I don’t know.. Emerald!

Ha ha ha! Yes, that.

Oh. Yes, of course. A reputation, yes.

That’s why we’re coming to you. Agreed, and I appreciate your taking the trouble.

Olive, yes, we love Olive. We were once offered van Dyck! I know! Well one can laugh. Because it isn’t even green I suppose. Oh, they said in a certain light.. We couldn’t keep a straight face.

Oh yes, and anger too. Yes, shameful.

Oh sorry, yes. Peabody. Nigel and Felicity. Yes, just two.

And that’s for this Friday?

Oh, don’t you? Well, a week on Friday.

Oh, really. Then when..

The 27^th of November.. I see. I see.

Yes, yes, fine! I’ll put it on the calendar… er.. this  November?

Ha ha, yes of course. Of course you may. Yes, I’m sure if you have to cancel it will be for a good reason.

Oh, by direct debit. Yes right away. We have until November. That will be wonderful.

I look forward to it.

Bye.       Bye.